Posts

Showing posts from July, 2018

Keeping you safe on Friday the 13th

Image
You know who survives the inevitable Friday the 13th machete massacre? The kids who read. Sure the drug and alcohol powered fornicators seem to be having more fun* but taking a rusty machete to the dome kind of ruins it all.
That kid reading though, he or she is always around for the sequel. So, to stay alive we suggest you get a book and go somewhere nice and public and read it. There will be plenty of other Fridays to snort cocaine off someone's bare chest. The other bonus, the average hockey mask-wearing psychopath doesn't care what you're reading. Read something fun. Read some kick-ass pulp fiction that skips the boring parts.*
Sure, most of you deserve to die in a horrible way (you know who you are) but we want to save you anyway while saving you money so you can afford booze and drugs next week when it's Friday the 20th and you're safe from judgemental homicidal maniacs*. That's right pick up this one for a mere $.99.

Captain Cooker
Or, this one for less t…